Rapunzel, Rapunzel
by Tozette
Summary: Total crack. Anybody who wants to see the cast of Twelve Kingdoms forced to perform a play from Hourai, read on.


Disclaimer: The anime series, "Twelve Kingdoms" and any and all characters or place names pertaining thereto are the sole property of the creator and associated persons. The author of this story does not claim or aspire to own any of these. Any thoughts or opinions expressed by the characters in this piece of fanwork do not necessarily reflect those of the author or of the creator of the original series.

This story is total crack and pays no attention to any timeline.

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"Why is she doing this to me?" Taiki asked plaintively for the third time. Enki appeared to be too preoccupied with not falling off his chair in giggles to reply, so Keiki took it upon himself to offer information.

"It is as if the Queen suffers from some strange condition," he began thoughtfully, wondering if it was not, indeed, some mental affliction that had caused this, "Once a month, give or take a few days, she will become moody and impossible to deal with. It is then that these strange ideas spring up. It's a pity," he added thoughtfully, "because at almost any other time, we may have been able to talk her out of it."

Enki had almost finished laughing, but at Keiki's confused explanation he was spurred to greater heights of hilarity. Suzu paused in arranging Taiki's wig, fighting not to giggle herself.

"It's an… affliction… that women from Hourai often suffer," she explained softly, "it has never been found particularly harmful, so there is not cure."

"It's not harmful to the women, at least," Enki pointed out, gesturing at his clothing. Suzu shrugged, as though such problems were inevitable and it was totally normal to force the kirin of other countries to participate in retelling your childhood fairytales.

"Ah, but you look quite handsome in those clothes, En Taiho" Gyoukuyou commented, rearranging the folds in her own dress. Enki plucked at his eighteenth-century, western style garments dubiously. At least he was playing a male, he comforted himself.

"If I'd known that I would have the honor of performing with you all, I'd have taken some acting lessons," the woman continued. "I believe I will be quite outclassed in present company."

Shoukei, having finished dressing herself, opted to help Keiki into his clothing. With a sigh, he submitted to the painful sacrifice of his dignity on the altar of his Queen's whim.

"Ano… Don't worry," Taiki told the older women compassionately, "Your role is relatively minor and I'm sure you'll do a great job." She laughed and commented on what a sweet child he was.

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"What do you think is taking them so long?" Gyousou asked, tapping his fingertips idly on the arm of his chair.

Shouryuu's eyes glittered oddly, perhaps partly from the sake he'd imbibed, when he replied, "Perhaps they're having trouble dressing for their parts," The red-eyed king had the sinking feeling that the other man knew something he didn't. He seemed to know the story of the play, at least.

"It is a play from Hourai, so the costumes might be unusual," Rakushun pointed out politely. "Ano, Youko?" he asked hesitantly. He had also noticed her recent tendency towards wildly swinging moods.

Youko, who had joined Shouryuu in his… excess… earlier in the evening, was leaning in her chair, giggling fan-girlishly to herself. "Hmmm?" she replied, apparently bemused by a moth on the wall.

"Do you know which parts belong to who? … not that we know the story, so it probably won't make any difference, but…"

"Hmm… You'll have to wait and see," she smiled mysteriously.

Her tone matched Shouryuu's expression, and Gyousou wasn't sure that it was a good thing. Ominously enough, this was when the lights went down.

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Suzu stepped forward, noticing nervously that she couldn't see her audience on account of the fact that the light was shining in her direction.

"Once upon a time," she began, feeling the heat at her back as a part of the wooden dais lit up to show a makeshift house and a garden, divided by a wall. It was quite well done. "There was a man and a woman who had wished, but to no avail, for a child," she turned and gestured back towards the dais, where a worried looking Gyoukuyou was standing.

Suzu paused, wondering where the hell Keiki was. "… I said, a MAN and a woman," she repeated pointedly. There was a muffled _thud_ from behind the entrance before Keiki, looking decidedly out of place in western garments and even more out of place on stage, stumbled forth, turned to glare at someone behind him and mustered his tattered dignity towards the small circle of light where Gyoukuyou was standing.

Suzu smiled and turned back to the shadows of her audience, which appeared to be hiding masculine chuckles. "After many long years," she glanced down at her script and raised an eyebrow, "the, uh, Heavens granted their wish and the woman became… well, the fruit of her child-to be began to grow on the tree," she nodded to herself, ignoring the muffled laughter from her audience.

"During the time that the child was growing, however, the woman noticed some exquisite radishes growing in the garden outside her house. They looked so delicious that she quickly became obsessed with them. Her caring husband noticed that she was rather distant," she gestured towards the pair.

Keiki pulled a cue card out of his clothing from somewhere, reading in stilted, emotionless tones, "Oh, my wife… What ails you?"

Gyoukuyou and Suzu sweatdropped emphatically, the former quickly replying, "Oh, it's those radishes. They just look so good! If I don't get some, I fear I may die."

While there was some stunned disbelief from the audience, Suzu ploughed onwards bravely. "So the intrepid husband," she paused pointedly and Keiki began to move towards the garden, climbing the wall, "climbed the wall between his home and the garden and retrieved some radishes,"

Keiki half-heartedly began collecting.

"Little did he know, however," Suzu continued in a slightly more ominous tone, "that the garden – and the radishes – belonged to an evil sorceress."

Shoukei didn't need as much of a cue as Keiki, and promptly leapt out of the shadows, causing the kirin of Kei to loose his balance in an extraordinarily life-like approximation of surprise and fear.

"How dare you," Shoukei exclaimed, drawing herself up to her full height and wrapping herself in her black cloak, "climb into my garden like a thief and steal my food? You will pay for this!"

Keiki pulled another cue card out of somewhere, standing up and holding it to the light, "Oh, let mercy overrule justice," he read carefully, "I steal because I fear my wife… may not survive if she doesn't get your radishes…?" he finished, squinting at the card as though wondering if her was reading the right script.

"Oh, I see," Shoukei replied, tapping her chin with one of her long nails, "Well, I can give you as many of my radishes as you like, but in return, I want your firstborn," she nodded decisively to herself. "I always wanted a child," she added.

Keiki read off his card, "deal."

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"That… wasn't quite how it was supposed to go," Youko commented.

Gyousou eyed her dubiously.

Shouryuu poured himself another cup of sake, passing one on to the other three before he sipped his. "Truly," he murmured.

"When the time came and the woman… er, plucked the child, the sorceress appeared and spirited the beautiful girl-child away to an enchanted tower which had no doors and only one window at the very top," Suzu continued, gesturing towards the other side of the dais where something like a tower had been erected.

"The sorceress named her "Rapunzel"… after the radishes," for the first time, Suzu looked truly confused, but she shrugged it off.

Out of the window the beautiful blonde child appeared, waving to the audience. The sound of the King of Tai choking on his sake was quite audible through the near-silent room, as was the ensuing fit of chuckles from King En.

"The girl-child was kept locked away from the world, and only the sorceress was allowed to see her," Suzu continued. Shoukei made her second appearance at the foot of the tower.

"The girl had a face like a siren and hair like spun gold, and she plaited it to make a rope for the sorceress to climb up."

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!" Shoukei cried dramatically.

There was the sound of tearing cloth and a crash from the top of the tower, followed by a muffled word that Taiki should probably not have known.

Rakushun followed the Queen's knowing look to Gyousou's chair, where he looked ready to jump up and make sure his Saiho was alright. A moment later, he seemed to relax back into his seat. A thick plait of blond hair fell down the side of the tower, stopping about a foot above Shoukei's head.

Taiki's blushing face appeared at the window, where he was trying to readjust his ornately-pinned wig. With a hesitant glance, Shoukei reached up and grasped the rope, eliciting a squeak from Taiki, who was almost yanked out the window before he let go of it.

That had not been a part of the play, Rakushun gathered.

It took her a couple of tried, but eventually Shoukei managed to throw the top of the wig, a bit worse for wear, back up to Taiki, who caught it firmly and nodded, determinedly to the girl at the other end.

Shoukei only slid back down the hair twice before she managed to get up it and inside the tower.

Suzu cleared her throat, drawing the bemused audience's attention back to herself, "It was a few years later that a king's son… Well, the next king of a far away kingdom was riding past on his… animal, when he heard Rapunzel singing," she continued bravely.

There was silence.

"I said, Rapunzel was _singing_," she repeated.

"Oh!" Taiki cried, embarrassed, and immediately began to sing.

He was surprisingly good, and the sweetness of the song stunned the four members of the audience momentarily. Rakushun noticed, still cradling his second cup of sake, that the Tai Taiho's king looked particularly awed. He glanced back to Youko, who winked at him conspiratorially.

Suzu waited impatiently until Rokuta finally rode onto the dais on a white-stripped, doglike youma, lounging on its back as though he weren't moving.

Shouryuu sat up straighter in the chair next to Rakushun and put his fingers to his lips, whistling loudly at the blonde "prince".

Rokuta sat up as though he'd just heard something significantly more interesting. "What is this I hear?" he called loudly, cupping one hand to his ear.

There was a pause, during which Taiki's singing got a little louder.

"What a sweet song," Enki continued, settling onto his youma in what looked like side-saddle. "I must meet the singer of this song!"

"And so the… King-to-be… examined the tower for some way to get inside, but found none and left, disappointed," Suzu explained.

"Alas, I cannot find a way to breech this wall, but I vow to return and once again listen to this sweet song," En Taiho declared. Apparently, he possessed a flair for dramatics.

"And so he continued to return to the tower day after day until one day he noticed the sorceress," Suzu glanced off to the side of the dais, where she apparently received some kind of negative response, for she continued without pausing for Shoukei to act out that scene, "calling to Rapunzel. After she had left, he imitated her by calling,"

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair," Rokuta yelled up at Taiki, who mumbled something that Rakushun's sensitive ears could barely discern as, _easier said than done_.

After a long, still pause, the blond hair came down again. Rokuta was a little too short to reach it, but he was able to complete his part in the fairy tale by climbing onto his youma before scrambling up the plait.

"When the… King-to-be… reached the top of the tower, Rapunzel was afraid, having never laid eyes on a man before," Suzu continued dubiously.

From the top of the tower Rakushun could hear Tai Taiho's remarkably life-like shriek, and couldn't help but noticing the way Gyousou flinched at the sound.

"Well, he certainly sounds like a girl," Shouryuu commented, leaning forward a little to hear the commentary. Rakushun's ear twitched.

He needn't have bothered, because the top half of the tower swung away on hinges. "Youka…" Rakushun began, "isn't this a little contrived for an impromptu performance?"

The Queen of Kei shushed him, which he took to mean_ yes_.

Taiki was pressed up against the wall, doing his best to look terrified and vulnerable, which he was very good at, while Rokuta munched on a peach from the fruit bowl next to the "window" and made idle conversation.

"Slowly, however," Suzu told them with growing warmth in her voice, "Rapunzel was calmed by the man's friendliness and charm, and he found her the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes upon. After a while, he offered to marry her and she, thinking well of him, agreed."

"But, sir, I cannot get down this tower climbing my _own_ hair," Taiki pointed out after a moment.

Rokuta nodded and pretended to think for a moment. "When next I visit you, I shall bring a ladder, with which you might climb down," he promised.

"Rapunzel agreed to this plan and waited patiently, day after day, for word of her husband. It was on the sunny day that he had decided to come that she chose to comment to the sorceress how much easier he was to pull up the tower wall than she. The sorceress was instantly livid."

"You godless child," cried Shoukei, appearing in the tower room seemingly out of nowhere and getting into the spirit. "What is this I hear from you? I thought I had removed you from the whole world, but you have deceived me!"

Taiki started back, apparently afraid.

"In her anger she grabbed Rapunzel's beautiful hair, wrapped it around her left hand, grasped a pair of scissors with her right hand, and quickly cut it off." Suzu continued.

Behind her, Shoukei was having significantly more trouble than the story suggested, and had to enlist Taiki's help to hack off the offending piece of wig. When they had succeeded, she held the end of it up to the audience triumphantly.

They laughed appreciatively and Suzu continued courageously, with "She banished Rapunzel out into the wilderness," Taiki climbed the detached part of the wig down, slipping half way and falling with a crash to the floor. Rakushun heard a small noise from somewhere to his left, but he chose not to follow it, already knowing its source.

"On the evening of the same day that she sent Rapunzel away, the sorceress tied the cut-off hair to the hook at the top of the tower, and when the prince called out," Suzu paused for Rokuta to enter and yell,

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

Shoukei let down the hair.

"The prince climbed up, but above, instead of his beloved Rapunzel, he found the sorceress, who was none too happy with him,"

Rokuta had less trouble with the rope this time, being a firm believer in practise making perfect.

Shoukei's past performing in the Palace was working well for her in this instance. "Aha!" she cried scornfully. "You have come for your Rapunzel, but that beautiful bird is no longer sitting in her nest, nor will she sing for you again. The cat has found her, and will scratch your eyes out as well. You will never see Rapunzel again," she proclaimed.

Rokuta did a fair job of looking stricken, and Shoukei's grin ash she let go of the rope was passably vicious. His mumbled curse as he landed on his backside at the bottom of the tower was, Rakushun decided, artful adlibbing and not actually a part of the script.

"The evil sorceress threw him from the tower. He escaped with his life, but he landed in a rosebush, and the thorns rendered him blind. Sightless, he wandered through the woods, calling for his Rapunzel and thus he wandered about miserably for some years, finally happening into the wilderness where Rapunzel lived miserably alone."

Rokuta, who had not been very good at the miserable wandering bit, cupped one hand to his ear when Taiki began to sing again, stepping out onto the dais behind him.

"That voice is so familiar to me," the blond boy exclaimed, leaning towards the other. Taiki kept singing loudly, pretending not to notice him.

"He heard a voice and he thought it familiar. He followed it, and, as he approached, Rapunzel recognized him, and crying, through her arms around his neck," Enki did not seem particularly enamoured of this part of the story, but he managed not to fall over when Taiki glomped him enthusiastically.

Suzu smiled, as though she could finally see the end of a long, dark tunnel, "Two of her tears fell upon his blind eyes, and they became clear again, and he could see as well as he had before he was pushed into the thorns. He led her into his kingdom, where he was received with joy, and for a long time they lived happily and satisfied."

Taiki and Rokuta did nothing of the sort, instead bowing gracefully, if hastily, and hurrying off the dais. Suzu, Shukei and Gyoukuyou came forward, bowed and exited. Keiki was content not to have to stand on the dais again as long as he lived.

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The Queen of Kei sighed happily. "That was always one of my favorite stories," she commented. "It was a pity we didn't have enough people to do Cinderella, though; I would have loved to have seen them dance,"

"Saa… Next time Rokuta manages to misbehave grotesquely, I shall send him to you to perform in one of your plays," Shouryuu commented, finishing his twelfth cup of sake for the night.

Gyousou privately agreed that perhaps participation in one of Her Majesty of Kei's performances was best reserved as a punishment, but he wasn't quite inebriated enough to point it out to her. Give it a few hours, though…

"It was an interesting story," he commented sincerely. The soft padding of bare feet alerted him to the presence of another and he turned, inclining his head to the harassed-looking, but no longer strangely dressed Taiho of En.

Youko's mildly intoxicated smile was dazzling. "Perhaps I could persuade my ministers to do the next one," she murmured thoughtfully. "Then we'd have enough people for Cinderella, or even Sleeping Beauty."

"Good luck with that one," Shouryuu wished her, swaying to his feet as Rokuta gave him his flattest, most irritated look.

"Come on, idiot," the blond mumbled, taking his wrist and leading him away, "and _don't_ fall on top of me this time," as they made their way down the hallway, Gyousou could have sworn he heard a pithy remark about falling asleep in one's own bed, but he chose to ignore it.

"I think it is about time we all made our way to our respective beds," Youko murmured diplomatically, smiling after the King of En and rising to bow to the King of Tai, who also rose and bowed.

When he turned, Taiki was partially hiding behind the tall frame of Keiki, who looked thoroughly miffed. Nodding to Kei Taiho on his way, Gyousou scooped his own kirin onto his shoulder, ignoring the officials and toadies that scuttled after them on their way to their rooms.

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Two hours, three minutes :bows:

This hasn't even been proof-read. I may do this at a later date.

Thank you. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.


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